Black Feminism and the Work of Living With Reality
Understanding the Intersection of Black Feminism and Emotional Labor in Pursuit of Liberation
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One place where Black feminism often diverges from mainstream white feminism is in its orientation toward reality as it is, not solely as we wish it to be. We operate in a society shaped by power imbalances, historical trauma, and gendered expectations — and those dynamics don’t vanish because we’d prefer them gone. To deny their presence is to disarm ourselves in a world that demands we meet it as it is.
This is not a deficit in vision. It is, instead, a different order of vision — one sharpened by the knowledge that transformation begins with naming the conditions we inhabit, not the ones we imagine in their place.
Black feminist thought has long resisted the seduction of abstraction when survival is on the line.
The Combahee River Collective, in their 1977 statement, wrote plainly: “We are actively committed to struggling against racial, sexual, heterosexual, and class oppression.” That commitment was grounded in the unglamorous labor of engaging the actual, tangible systems that shape our lives.
Audre Lorde called it “the transformation of silence into language and action.” bell hooks reminded us that love is a political act, one that demands honesty about what is, not just faith in what might be. This lineage is not a rejection of hope; it is a refusal to place hope above preparation.
💭 The Emotional Labor Economy
One of the realities we must contend with — one that many prefer not to name — is that much of men’s mental and emotional health work is done by women. We are the ones listening when they cannot speak to anyone else, absorbing when they cannot hold their own emotions, reframing when they cannot make sense of themselves. We are the sounding boards, the peacekeepers, the translators of feeling into action.
This is not merely a quirk of individual relationships. It is a patterned phenomenon with deep historical roots. During slavery, Black women were tasked not only with physical labor but with maintaining the fragile emotional economies of enslaved families and communities — often in the face of their own grief and violation. Under Jim Crow, in segregated economies, and in contemporary poverty, women’s ability to hold and heal emotional wounds has been a matter of survival, both for individual men and for entire communities.
And so this role has been passed down, not only as a cultural norm but as a survival strategy. It can be exhausting, undervalued, and expected without consent. But it is not inherently degrading. In its healthiest form — chosen freely, grounded in reciprocity, and supported by community — it is an act of love and a stabilizing force. The problem is not the role itself. The problem is when the role becomes compulsory, one-sided, or invisible.
🪶 The Myth of Pure Choice
It is easy, from certain vantage points, to declare that women should simply opt out of doing this work. Mainstream white feminism often takes that stance: reject any labor that reinforces patriarchal expectations. But this assumes an abundance of alternatives — emotional, financial, and communal — that are not available to everyone.
Real choice is complicated when you live in systems that punish women for refusing care.
A woman may know she is carrying more than her share of emotional labor, but she may also know that withdrawing it could fracture a family, destabilize her children’s environment, or undermine her own safety. This is not “leaning in” to patriarchy; it is the ongoing work of negotiating survival within it.
The goal, then, is not to pretend that opting out is universally possible, but to create conditions under which it could be. That requires rebalancing relationships so that men are not only recipients of emotional care but contributors to it. It requires shifting norms so that men are expected to be emotionally literate, accountable, and generous with their own labor.
🤝 Coexistence, Not Antagonism
We cannot thrive if our liberation requires permanent antagonism with men. This is not a romantic plea for harmony; it is a practical acknowledgment of interdependence. We build families together. We raise children together. We sustain communities together.
Until we can reproduce, nurture, and protect entire communities without men — and we cannot — our liberation must include them. That inclusion cannot mean excusing harm or accepting imbalance. It must mean holding men to the same standards of care, empathy, and accountability that women have long been expected to meet.
The future we are working toward is one where emotional labor is not gendered inheritance but a shared human skill. Where women can choose to take on this role without penalty, and where men can do the same without stigma. Where the care that sustains us is given and received in balance.
✨ A Vision Worth the Work
Liberation in this context is not about erasing the role of emotional caregiver from women’s lives. It is about making it one of many roles, entered and exited with agency. It is about ensuring that when we give deeply, we are replenished — not left hollow. It is about cultivating relationships, both intimate and communal, where emotional health is a shared project.
Black feminism teaches us to keep our eyes on the world as it is, even as we work to make it something more. That means seeing the current state of emotional labor for what it is: a deeply embedded, historically shaped reality that can harm or heal depending on how we choose to engage with it.
The task before us is neither to romanticize nor to erase it, but to transform it into something sustainable, reciprocal, and liberating.
That is work worth doing. That is work that keeps us alive.
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